{"id":556,"date":"2024-05-10T10:08:13","date_gmt":"2024-05-10T10:08:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tustiaica.ro\/?p=556"},"modified":"2024-05-10T10:08:13","modified_gmt":"2024-05-10T10:08:13","slug":"bancuri-cu-bula","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/?p=556","title":{"rendered":"Bancuri cu Bul\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>Bul\u0103 la biseric\u0103<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bul\u0103 \u0219i \u0218trul\u0103 ies de la biseric\u0103. Bul\u0103 se \u00eentreab\u0103 dac\u0103 e ok s\u0103 fumeze \u00een timp ce se roag\u0103. \u0218trul\u0103 r\u0103spunde: -De ce nu \u00eentrebi preotul? Bul\u0103 se duce \u0219i-l \u00eentreab\u0103: \u2013 Sfin\u021bia ta, pot s\u0103 fumez c\u00e2nd m\u0103 rog? Dar preotul spune: -Nu, fiule nu se poate. E o lips\u0103 de respect pentru religia noastr\u0103. Bul\u0103 se \u00eentoarce la prietenul lui \u0219i-i spune ce i-a spus preotul. \u0218trul\u0103 spune: -Nu m\u0103 mir\u0103. Ai pus gre\u0219it \u00eentrebarea. Ia s\u0103 \u00eencerc \u0219i eu. \u0218trul\u0103 se duce la preot \u0219i \u00eel \u00eentreab\u0103: -Sfin\u021bia ta, pot s\u0103 m\u0103 rog \u00een timp ce fumez? La care preotul r\u0103spunde: -Bine\u00een\u021beles, fiule. Bine\u00een\u021beles. Bul\u0103 se duce la biseric\u0103 s\u0103 se spovedeasc\u0103. Preotul \u00eel \u00eentreab\u0103: \u2013 Ai f\u0103cut p\u0103cate? \u2013 Da, p\u0103rinte. \u2013 Te lepezi de Satana? \u2013 M-a\u015f lep\u0103da p\u0103rinte, dar am doi copii cu ea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn.geozo.com\/b2t17l219ivlm0p\/y03qh8768quv678ykp8f.go\"><\/script><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bul\u0103 la ora de Sociologie: -Numim ho\u021b pe cel care ia proprietatea altuia \u2013 explic\u0103 profesorul. -Bul\u0103, tu nu e\u0219ti atent! -Ba da, domnule profesor. -Atunci spune-mi, ce a\u0219 fi eu dac\u0103 \u021bi-a\u0219 scoate din buzunar 1000 de lei? -Vr\u0103jitor, domnule profesor. Bul\u0103, pe care raft din bibliotec\u0103 ai pus c\u0103r\u0163ile de matematic\u0103?\u00a0 \u2013 La raftul de c\u0103r\u0163i horror.<br>Profesoara:\u00a0 Bul\u0103, cum se numesc persoanele care continu\u0103 s\u0103 vorbeasc\u0103 altora, de\u015fi e clar c\u0103 cele din urm\u0103 nu mai sunt interesate de discu\u0163ie?\u00a0 Bul\u0103:\u00a0 Se numesc profesori, doamn\u0103. Bul\u0103 la ora de gramatic\u0103. Profesorul: -Eu nu am m\u00e2ncat, tu nu ai m\u00e2ncat, el nu a m\u00e2ncat, noi nu am m\u00e2ncat, voi nu a\u0163i m\u00e2ncat, ei nu au m\u00e2ncat! Repet\u0103 \u015fi tu, Bul\u0103! -Nu a m\u00e2ncat nimeni! \u00cenv\u0103\u0163\u0103toarea: \u2013 Buli\u015for, cum ai reu\u015fit ca \u00een ultima s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 s\u0103 nu mai ai nicio gre\u015feal\u0103 de ortografie \u00een temele de acas\u0103? \u2013 Mama e plecat\u0103 din localitate! Bul\u0103 \u0219i \u0218trul\u0103 la ora de istorie: \u2013 Cine este autorul grec care a spus: \u201eTot ceea ce \u0219tiu e c\u0103 nu \u0219tiu nimic\u201d? \u2013 Doamna profesoar\u0103, acum s\u0103 nu spune\u021bi, c\u0103 nu pot s\u0103 cred c\u0103 Bul\u0103 ar fi grec! La \u015fcoal\u0103, profesoara lui Bul\u0103 d\u0103 clasei drept tem\u0103 o propozi\u0163ie cu expresia \u201emama e numai una\u201d. Urm\u0103toarea zi, la \u015fcoal\u0103, profesoara \u00eei \u00eentreab\u0103 pe colegii lui Bul\u0103 ce propozi\u0163ii au f\u0103cut cu \u201emama e numai una\u201d: \u2013 Ionel, tu ce ai scris? \u2013 P\u0103i, c\u00e2nd am fost bolnav, mama a stat tot timpul l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine, mama e numai una. \u2013 Bravo! \u2013 Dar tu, Georgele, ce ai scris? \u2013 C\u00e2nd nu \u015ftiam s\u0103 fac un exerci\u0163iu la matematic\u0103, mama m-a ajutat, mama e numai una. \u2013 Excelent! \u00cen sf\u00e2r\u015fit, a venit \u015fi r\u00e2ndul lui Bul\u0103. \u2013 \u015ei tu, Bul\u0103, ce ai scris? \u2013 P\u0103i eu c\u00e2nd am ajuns ieri acas\u0103, \u00eemi era tare foame \u015fi am \u00eentrebat-o pe mama ce e de m\u00e2ncare, iar ea mi-a spus c\u0103 sunt dou\u0103 chiftele \u00een frigider, am deschis frigiderul \u015fi apoi am strigat: MAMA, E NUMAI UNA!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><div data-gz-block=\"d1e77a9c-30e6-42e6-82be-686fa9d35810\"><\/div><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Bancuri seci <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Cele mai multe bancuri seci au farmec aparte \u0219i nu toat\u0103 lumea le \u00een\u021belege, dar, cu toate astea, sunt totu\u0219i unele dintre cele mai apreciate glume. Nimeni \u0219i Prostu\u2019 erau pe o barc\u0103. Nimeni se \u00eeneac\u0103, iar Prostu\u2019 strig\u0103 la salvamar \u0219i \u00eei zice: -B\u0103, s-a \u00eenecat Nimeni! -Tu e\u0219ti prost? \u2013Da, eu sunt!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><div data-gz-block=\"d1e77a9c-30e6-42e6-82be-686fa9d35810\"><\/div><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Doi pitici num\u0103rau o bil\u0103. Bila cade pe ciment \u0219i face: \u201epoc! poc!\u201d -De ce nu a f\u0103cut : \u201epoc! poc! poc!\u201d? -Pentru c\u0103 de-aia se nume\u0219te bil\u0103. Dac\u0103 ar fi f\u0103cut \u201epoc! poc! poc!\u201d se numea tril\u0103. Zorro vede o tip\u0103 care arat\u0103 super. Ca s\u0103 o impresioneze, face un \u201ez\u201d pe gard. Tipa: Uau, Zuperman! De ce au elefan\u021bii ochii rosii? \u2013 Ca s\u0103 se ascund\u0103 \u00een cire\u0219\u2026 A\u021bi v\u0103zut vreodat\u0103 elefan\u021bi \u00een cire\u0219? Nu! \u2013 A\u021bi v\u0103zut ce bine se ascund? Alo, mam\u0103, nu te speria, te rog s\u0103 nu intri \u00een panic\u0103, nu e nimic grav, dar sunt la spital! \u2013 Manole, e\u0219ti medic de zece ani, nu mai spune asta de c\u00e2te ori m\u0103 suni. Doi prieteni stau de vorb\u0103: -Ce mai faci? -Uite, m-a l\u0103sat nevasta pentru cel mai bun prieten. -Credeam c\u0103 eu sunt cel mai bun prieten al t\u0103u\u2026 -Acum e el\u2026 Anun\u021b: T\u00e2n\u0103r frumos, student, nu beau, nu fumez, am o ma\u015fin\u0103 beton, cas\u0103 cu 12 camere, p\u0103rin\u0163i boga\u0163i, nu vreau nimic, doar m\u0103 laud. -Domnule, v\u0103 recomand s\u0103 va tunde\u021bi chel! -\u0218i asta ajut\u0103 la oprirea c\u0103derii p\u0103rului? -Nu, dar te ajut\u0103 s\u0103 te obi\u0219nuie\u0219ti!<br><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bul\u0103 la biseric\u0103 Bul\u0103 \u0219i \u0218trul\u0103 ies de la biseric\u0103. Bul\u0103 se \u00eentreab\u0103 dac\u0103 e ok s\u0103 fumeze \u00een timp ce se roag\u0103. \u0218trul\u0103 r\u0103spunde: -De ce nu \u00eentrebi preotul? Bul\u0103 se duce \u0219i-l \u00eentreab\u0103: \u2013 Sfin\u021bia ta, pot s\u0103 fumez c\u00e2nd m\u0103 rog? Dar preotul spune: -Nu, fiule nu se poate. E o lips\u0103 &#8230; <a title=\"Bancuri cu Bul\u0103\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/?p=556\" aria-label=\"Read more about Bancuri cu Bul\u0103\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":557,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-556","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/556","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=556"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/556\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/557"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=556"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=556"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=556"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}