{"id":512,"date":"2024-05-09T11:14:44","date_gmt":"2024-05-09T11:14:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tustiaica.ro\/?p=512"},"modified":"2024-05-09T11:14:44","modified_gmt":"2024-05-09T11:14:44","slug":"10-bancuri-tari-cu-ion-si-maria-stinge-lumina-trage-perdelele-si-in-pat-iute","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/?p=512","title":{"rendered":"10 Bancuri tari cu Ion \u0219i Maria: \u201eStinge lumina, trage perdelele \u015fi \u00een pat, iute!\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>Ion \u015fi Maria sunt dou\u0103 personaje pe seama c\u0103rora rom\u00e2nii au f\u0103cut \u00eentotdeauna glume. R\u00e2zi cu lacrimi a f\u0103cut o selec\u0163ie cu cele mai bune bancuri cu Ion \u0219i Maria:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>1. Vine Ion acas\u0103 de la ora\u015f \u015fi zice c\u0103tre Maria, hot\u0103r\u00e2t:<br>\u2013 M\u0103rie, stinge lumina, trage perdelele \u015fi \u00een pat, iute!<br>\u2013 M\u0103, Ioane, da\u2019 mai am de lucru\u2026<br>\u2013 Dac-am zis, am zis!<br>Vede Maria ca n-are \u00eencotro, se conformeaz\u0103. Se pune \u015fi Ion \u00een pat, trage plapuma peste ei \u015fi zice:<br>\u2013 No, acum M\u0103rie, s\u0103-\u0163i ar\u0103t ce ceas cu fosfor mi-am cump\u0103rat!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><script async=\"\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn.geozo.com\/no971l\/912\/vlim0p0y3\/h8q867uqv867kpyvd.go\"><\/script><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>2. Vine Ion, acas\u0103 mort de beat \u015fi intr\u0103 direct \u00een camer\u0103 la Ionu\u0163.<br>ION: M\u0103i, copile, ia spune tu lui tata, \u00een ce clas\u0103 e\u015fti tu?<br>IONU\u0162: \u00cen a treia, m\u0103, tat\u0103, tu nu \u015ftii?<br>ION: No, ap\u0103i, tu \u015ftii s\u0103 scrii dup\u0103 dictare?<br>IONU\u0162: \u015etiu tat\u0103, cum s\u0103 nu!<br>ION: No, ia un caiet \u015fi scrie: \u201cArdealu\u2019 \u00eei a nost\u201d!<br>Ia copilul un caiet \u015fi scrie ce-i zice tat\u0103l.<br>ION: No, mai scrie o dat\u0103: \u201cArdealu\u2019 \u00eei a nost\u201d!<br>Mai scrie copilul o dat\u0103. \u015ei tot a\u015fa, p\u00e2n\u0103 umple tot caietul cu \u201cArdealu\u2019 \u00eei a nost\u201d. Ion, mul\u0163umit, se \u00eentoarce la birt. Copilul, pl\u00e2ng\u00e2nd, o sun\u0103 pe maic\u0103-sa.<br>IONU\u0162: Mam\u0103! Mam\u0103, eu a\u015fa de beat nu l-am v\u0103zut pe tata \u00een via\u0163a mea\u2026<br>MARIA: Da\u2019 ce-a p\u0103\u0163it, dragul mamei? L-a adus poli\u0163ia acas\u0103?<br>IONU\u0162: Nu, mam\u0103!<br>MARIA: Da\u2019 ce-i cu el? E \u00een com\u0103 alcoolic\u0103?<br>IONU\u0162: Nu, mam\u0103!<br>MARIA: Dar ce-i atunci, spune!<br>IONU\u0162: Se crede ungur!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><div data-gz-block=\"d1e77a9c-30e6-42e6-82be-686fa9d35810\"><\/div><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>3. Maria, la vr\u0103jitoare:<br>\u2013 M\u0103 iubesc doi b\u0103rba\u0163i. Spune-mi, cine din ei va fi norocosul?<br>Vr\u0103jitoarea pune c\u0103r\u0163ile, apoi se uit\u0103 atent la ea \u015fi spune:<br>\u2013 Cel ce va avea noroc va fi Vasile. Tu te vei c\u0103s\u0103tori cu Ion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>4. Ion \u015fi Maria se \u00eent\u00e2lnesc pe strad\u0103, la trei zile dup\u0103 ce f\u0103cuser\u0103 amor.<br>\u2013 S\u0103rut m\u00e2na, Marie. Da\u2019 ce-i cu tine, e\u015fti sup\u0103rat\u0103?<br>\u2013 Ioane, vin de la doctor, am o boal\u0103\u2026 Ceva cu s\u2026<br>\u2013 Aoleu, ce boal\u0103?<br>\u2013 Si\u2026, su\u2026, sa\u2026 Nu-mi aduc aminte\u2026<br>Dezn\u0103d\u0103jduit, Ion d\u0103 fuga la doctor.<br>\u2013 Doctore, am f\u0103cut sex cu o femeie \u015fi azi am aflat c\u0103 are o boal\u0103 care \u00eencepe cu s\u2026<br>\u2013 B\u0103iete, e grav, p\u00e2n\u0103 afl\u0103m despre ce e vorba, \u00ee\u0163i voi injecta masiv penicilin\u0103, preventiv. Dup\u0103 o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 de la incident, Ion cu Maria se re\u00eent\u00e2lnesc \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103tor, \u00een acela\u015fi loc.<br>\u2013 Ioane, ce bine c\u0103 te v\u0103d, mi-am amintit ce boala am!<br>\u2013 Las\u0103-m\u0103 dracului, c\u0103 m-ai nenorocit! M-a p\u0103r\u0103sit nevasta, m-au dat afar\u0103 din serviciu, m\u0103 ocolesc to\u0163i prietenii, dorm sub un pod\u2026<br>\u2013 Ioane, stai s\u0103-\u0163i spun ce boal\u0103 am: scleroz\u0103!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><div data-gz-block=\"d1e77a9c-30e6-42e6-82be-686fa9d35810\"><\/div><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>5. Ion \u015fi Maria fac nunt\u0103. Ion, mare \u015fmecher, Maria, inocent\u0103 \u015fi prostu\u0163\u0103. \u00cen noaptea nun\u0163ii, Ion \u00ee\u015fi d\u0103 br\u0103cinarii jos.<br>MARIA: Ce-i aia?<br>ION: P\u0103i, M\u0103rie, numa\u2019 io am a\u015fa ceva, nime\u2019 pe lume nu mai are!<br>Peste c\u00e2teva zile:<br>MARIA: Ioane, l-am v\u0103zut pe Gheorghe la cosit c\u00e2nd s-o dus dup\u0103 tuf\u0103 \u015fi \u015fi-o dat izmenele jos. S\u0103 \u015ftii c\u0103 are \u015fi el!<br>ION: Ap\u0103i, f\u0103 M\u0103rie, Gheorghe-i cel mai bun preten al meu, io aveam dou\u0103\u2026 \u015fi i-am dat \u015fi lui una!<br>MARIA: Prost mai e\u015fti, m\u0103! Da\u2019 de ce nu \u0163i-ai oprit-o \u0163ie pe aia mare?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>6. Ion \u015fi Maria tr\u0103iau \u00eentr-o garsonier\u0103. \u00cenainte de a face sex, Ion a decis s\u0103 verifice dac\u0103 fiul s\u0103u doarme.<br>\u2013 Ionu\u0163, adu-mi, te rog, un pahar cu ap\u0103\u2026<br>Lini\u015fte, Ionu\u0163 nu r\u0103spunde.<br>Maria decide:<br>\u2013 A adormit.<br>Dup\u0103 sex, st\u0103teau \u00eentin\u015fi \u00een pat. Deodat\u0103, se aude vocea pu\u015ftiului din \u00eentuneric:<br>\u2013 \u015ei c\u00e2t mai stau aici cu paharul \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><div data-gz-block=\"d1e77a9c-30e6-42e6-82be-686fa9d35810\"><\/div><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>7. Nevasta lui lon, Maria, mai c\u0103 este surprins\u0103 de acesta f\u0103c\u00e2nd sex cu amantul ei. \u00cen grab\u0103 mare, Maria \u00eei spune amantului:<br>\u2013 Ascunde-te \u00een spatele televizorului, imediat!<br>Ion porne\u015fte televizorul \u015fi-\u015fi soarbe obi\u015fnuita bere. S\u0103rmana nevast\u0103 nu mai \u015ftia cum s\u0103-l fac\u0103 pe b\u0103rbatu-s\u0103u s\u0103 ias\u0103 din camer\u0103. \u00cen cele din urm\u0103, strig\u0103 din buc\u0103t\u0103rie:<br>\u2013 loane, vino repede s\u0103 vezi ce ciud\u0103\u0163enie mi s-a \u00eent\u00e2mplat! Am sc\u0103pat o farfurie de por\u0163elan pe jos \u015fi mi-a s\u0103rit \u00eenapoi \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103, intact\u0103!<br>\u2013 Asta-i nimic! strig\u0103 din camera so\u0163ul. Adineauri, un juc\u0103tor a fost penalizat cu cartona\u015f ro\u015fu \u015fi eliminat de pe teren \u015fi a ie\u015fit tocmai pe aici, pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>8. MARIA: Ioane, ai f\u0103cut \u00eenchisoare?<br>ION: N-am f\u0103cut nici o \u00eenchisoare, M\u0103rie. C\u00e2nd am ajuns eu acolo, era gata f\u0103cut\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>9. Ion, pe patul de moarte.<br>ION: M\u0103rie, eu acum m\u0103 duc, mult nu mai am, dar vreu s\u0103 \u015ftiu \u015fi eu un lucru: m-ai \u00een\u015felat tu vreodat\u0103?<br>MARIA: Ap\u0103i m\u0103, Ioane, drag\u0103, io \u0163-a\u015f zice, dar dac\u0103 nu mori?\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><div data-gz-block=\"d1e77a9c-30e6-42e6-82be-686fa9d35810\"><\/div><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>10. Ion \u015fi Maria, \u00een noaptea nun\u0163ii. Maria, culcat\u0103 \u00een pat, Ion l\u00e2ng\u0103 fereastr\u0103, privind pe geam. Dup\u0103 vreo jum\u0103tate de ceas, zice Maria:<br>MARIA: No, Ioane, mi-i frigu\u0163!<br>ION: Pune, f\u0103, un \u0163ol pe tine!<br>Pune Maria un \u0163ol pe ea, dar peste jum\u0103tate de or\u0103:<br>MARIA: M\u0103, Ioane, dar mie tot frigu\u0163 mi-e!<br>ION: Mai pune, f\u0103, un \u0163ol pe tine!<br>Se conformeaz\u0103 Maria, dar Ion tot la fereastr\u0103. Peste alt\u0103 jum\u0103tate de or\u0103:<br>MARIA: M\u0103, Ioane, tu n-auzi c\u0103 mie mi-e frigu\u0163?<br>ION: N-auzi, f\u0103, femeie, s\u0103 mai pui un \u0163ol pe tine?<br>Pierz\u00e2ndu-\u015fi r\u0103bdarea, Maria exclam\u0103:<br>MARIA: Dar ce faci tu, Ioane, la fereastr\u0103 acolo?<br>ION (\u00eentorc\u00e2ndu-se radios): No, f\u0103 muiere, mi-o zis mie Vasile c\u0103 noaptea nun\u0163ii-i ai\u2019 mai fain\u0103, \u015fi nu vreu s-o scap o clipit\u0103 din ochi!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ion \u015fi Maria sunt dou\u0103 personaje pe seama c\u0103rora rom\u00e2nii au f\u0103cut \u00eentotdeauna glume. R\u00e2zi cu lacrimi a f\u0103cut o selec\u0163ie cu cele mai bune bancuri cu Ion \u0219i Maria: 1. Vine Ion acas\u0103 de la ora\u015f \u015fi zice c\u0103tre Maria, hot\u0103r\u00e2t:\u2013 M\u0103rie, stinge lumina, trage perdelele \u015fi \u00een pat, iute!\u2013 M\u0103, Ioane, da\u2019 mai &#8230; <a title=\"10 Bancuri tari cu Ion \u0219i Maria: \u201eStinge lumina, trage perdelele \u015fi \u00een pat, iute!\u201d\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/?p=512\" aria-label=\"Read more about 10 Bancuri tari cu Ion \u0219i Maria: \u201eStinge lumina, trage perdelele \u015fi \u00een pat, iute!\u201d\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":516,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-512","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/512","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=512"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/512\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/516"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=512"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=512"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/maxibancuri.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=512"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}